Single to Engaged in 6 Steps
Everyday you are bombarded with images of people “magically falling in love.” When you watch it happening for all of your friends and not for you it can start to feel like their is something “wrong” with you. Five minutes on social media can send your into a downward spiral of insecurity and self-doubt. From there the fear kicks in. You probably start searching frantically on Tinder, reminisce about the ex or just decide it’s hopeless and give-up.
Luckily for you, you are in the right place right now. Finding a good relationship is possible for you if you have the right tools in place. Love isn’t a magical trap we fall into. It comes as a result of inner work and interpersonal relationship skills. If you are serious about it being your time to meet the right guy then the steps below will set you on the path from single to engaged.
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1. Make a Decision
The first step in going from where you are now to where you want to be is deciding that you are worth it. Make a declaration about what you want and stick to it. The trick is to stick to your commitment even if it doesn’t happen immediately or if other attractive, but misaligned options come along.
This step is a place where many women fall off the path. For example, you tell your friends that you want “a husband.” Then, a week a later a cute guy who meets none of your criteria invites you over to his place and you go. You might even justify it in your head by saying “I really need sex right now,” or “It’s just for fun.” Don’t listen to these voices. They are your commitment fears coming up. This behavior is a problem because you are saying one thing and acting another. When you are serious about getting into a real loving relationship you have to stick to that decision. Otherwise, you’ll spend forever in the bad boy trap.
2. Get Really Clear About What You Want & Don’t Want
Getting clear about what you want and don’t want in a relationship is critical next step. You’ve probably made a vision board before. This is not that. This is not a picture of prince charming taped to a piece of paper. This is a reality based concrete list of what you must have in a relationship.
Your list should include things like where you want to live, what kind of lifestyle do you want, kids or no kids etc. This is important because it is going to help you identify the right person when you meet them. Even better, it is going to help you rule out the “bad one’s.” When you are first falling in love it is easy to overlook faults or misalignments because everything feels good and you want to make it work. If you overlook critical compatibility pieces they will become a problem later. Your list is a safety net.
3. Stop Wasting Time on The Wrong Men
Unavailable men are the scourge of the dating world for women. If you’ve been single for awhile I bet you’ve unknowingly been dating unavailable men. When I say unavailable men, I am talking about the commitment phobic guys who come around just enough to keep you interested but don’t ever commit to anything long-term. These guys make you feel good when you are with them, but insecure when they are gone.
The problem with dating commitment phobic men is that it keeps you from being in relationship with the kind of masculine, loving, commitment oriented man that you want to marry. You can spend years of your life chasing after the “wrong guys.” And guess what? They won’t stop you. If you are serious about the real thing then you need to stop chasing boys and starts spending your time with commitment oriented men.
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4. Get Radiant
You are a beautiful radiant creature when you want to be. Allowing your inner beauty to shine through is key to attracting good men. You might be thinking that men are only looking for women with perfect bodies. This isn’t true. Men who are looking for a commitment are looking for a happy, well taken care of sensuous woman. Invest time and energy into bring those qualities out in yourself.
5. Open Your Dating Funnel
Opening your dating funnel requires you to date several men at the same time so that you can choose the best one for you. This is important because it allows you to choose your future partner instead of settling for them. You are looking for a long-term commitment you need to make sure that you are with a great candidate.
Dating more than one person also helps you avoid getting attached to anyone prematurely. It allows you space to let the relationship build over time because you have multiple options to spend time with. How much more fun and empowering does dating sound when you are choosing the best candidate instead of just “taking what you can get.”
6. Require a Comitment
If you are looking for marriage then you need to wait to have sex until your relationship is exclusive. This is critical because it allows you time to ensure that you are with someone who is really good for you before you bond to them biologically. Bonding too early can leave you overly attached to the wrong man.
Slowing down physical aspect allows the relationship to pass the time test before it gets into to deep. It also shows that you value yourself and the relationship enough to make sure that you are getting what you want before you let your biology take over.
If you are serious about getting into a real relationship it is time to stop waiting for it to magically happen. The steps above will get you a great start. It is your time when you decide it is your time and back that decision up with your actions. Get out there!
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